Just One Step
by x-Athenea-x
Summary: Brian's internal monologue during the "superman scene"


Brian looked out into the traffic just in front of the hospital. It never fails to amaze him how very busy Pittsburgh could get, even at midnight. And even on days when his own son is born.

From this height, people looked like ants, hurrying passed to get home asap. Little people, little lives, little problems.

'_shit,' _he thought _'I have a fucking baby.'_

He noticed the cars drive by fast beneath him, the people shouting in panic near the emergency entrance, men in suits hurrying home after another late night at the office … the air was filled with anxiety, panic and exhilaration.

Michael was yammering something next to him but his thought were far away. He sometimes zoned out when people talked to him, especially when he's under the influence of … _fuck, what did I take again?_

With a few words, Michael brought him back to earth: 'And now you're stuck with a kid. For life.'

'Right, the kid' Brian thought. 'A tiny, little human that I made. Well with the help of the lesbians.' Involuntarily, he smiled. 'Lindsay looked amazing as a new mother. The baby was … sweet. Innocently sweet. I wonder how long it'll take before the world fucks him over. Before I fuck up and do irreparable damage.'

He looked out into the skyline again and felt the refreshing and sobering summer wind blow through his hair. 'My child.' He thought, suppressing a mixture of pride, love and sheer panic. He felt Michael next to him, his breath steady and calm. _Lucky bastard._

In a whim of a moment, the anxiety he knew better than anything else rose to the surface. 'There is always one solution.' Brian exclaimed in ecstasy. 'I could end it all right now.'

He stepped up the ledge and looked across the sky, the world beneath his feet begging him to react. The earth underneath him was taunting him, daring him.

The wind swept wildly around him, now less refreshing and more enticing. His heart beat madly underneath his chest and there was this gut-feeling egging him on. _ Do it, do it, do it._

He could just end it all now. Everything will be over in less than a minute and all it took was one little step … one tiny little move and everything went away. All the pain, the nerves, the worry, all the unfulfilled promises and unrequited admiration… all of the crap would just end. He imagined what it would be like … to be at peace and not feel this continuous empty pressure inside his chest … constantly reminding him of every fuck up he's ever been responsible for in his entire life.

Michael was talking again. A constant droning sound in his ear. He laughed internally. 'Michael sure knows how to talk. Must be the Italian part of him' 

"Now, get down!" Michael yells.

And then Brian remembers. The burden he bares is not only his. There was him too, Michael. His friend. If anyone would save him, it would be him. "No, you'll have to come get me." He dared. 

"I'm serious. Stop clowning." Michael replied, his voice less than steady.

"Or I'll jump!" Brian screamed. And again, he wondered what it would be like, to be rid of this life. 'I could do it, I'm so close" he thought to himself. 'If he doesn't stop me …"

And then he heard Michael gasp. It wasn't loud, but it resounded strong within his mind. _Michael. _

Brian reaches out to him and in a glimpse Michael caught his eye. It was just a glimpse but in his eyes shone fear. Fear of loss, of mourning. There was also worry, a tender love burning in the background. An emotion echoed in his eyes that he could not described. It was tender and gentle, like a kiss from a ghost. The expression on his face shot through him like lightning.

And then he knew.

He knew that the neurotic, unhappy and geeky kid he's known since forever was his anchor in this world. No matter what went down, he'll be by his side. As he is now, on the ledge of the hospital, standing next to him high above the city, like Superman and Lois Lane. Together, as always fighting the evil in this world they lived in.

He wrapped his arms across Michael's chest and he could feel Mikey's heart pulsing rapidly because he was terrified. _'he never did like heights' _ Brian grinned. His nails dug into his thighs and Michael tried to hang on. 'He's here' he thought. 'Doing this idiotic thing because I asked him too. Because that's us. No matter what we do, we do it together.'

Michael turned around and hugged him, followed by a kiss.

Brian smiled, grateful that despite all the shit, despite his insane behaviour, despite Michael's neuroses and struggle, they had each other.

Every time he stood on the ledge of a building, he had Michael's hand to hold, and to keep him from falling. He wasn't alone in this world. He had a friend, a buddy, a brother which made every other shitty thing in his life manageable. Even raising a child.


End file.
